My mental interaction on the topic of purity gave me another dimension to relate it with the shame and guilt. Let me take you to my childhood and have a glimpse of how I spent my life in this Islamic country.
When Christianity came into the sub-continent, many Hindus from the lower cast accepted Christ and they were labelled as Sweepers or Choras by the Muslims even now many consider Christians impure. Many Christians were mocked because of their complexion. I remember my childhood was terrible; firstly because I was Christian so children used to bully me by calling me Black Chori. They used to mock me in the school and out on the streets. In addition to that I was a girl, another aspect of shame. As a young girl people particularly your family and relatives oppress you a lot. They constantly remind you that you are a fool, a second class citizen, you have no say and you are a sex object.
I consistently went through the cycle of shame, rejection and guilt. I always consider myself impure. That impurity brought a lot of shame and at times made it feel impossible to survive in the culture. Many times I tried to commit suicide. While I am writing all this I have tears in my eyes because there is so much pain attached to it. It took me so many years to accept God’s love, to accept that I am being sanctified, to accept God’s grace as the most precious gift ever in my life.